It's been a long day

It's definitely been a long day here in the office. I haven't done much.. besides petty stuff like get my boss his lunch and look for cheap creative gift ideas for clients. Now that's what I call a big girl job right? I know someday I will get there. I've been trying to prove myself and show that I can do bigger and better things but it's hard to do it here when the main person who is going to approve of your promotion is never here to see what you can do or even give you the chance.

I feel like I'm running out of options at this point. I have decided that I am not going to go back to school right now because I simply can not afford it and I don't want to wrack up anymore student debt, I have enough as it is and that is already starting to worry me. How the hell am I going to pay back these loans???

Next month will be my next big reality check. I get the student loan bills coming in the mail demanding payment.. Seriously I am dreading this.. at this point in my life, all I want to do is just move out of my parents house and live on my own and become my own independent person, but when I make shit I cant do that.

I always thought that I would land some big job after graduation and I was sorely mistaken.. I'm making less then what I did at my last internship.. but I do have to be thankful that I have a job that is actually proving me with experience its just not what I wanted right out of school. I miss school a lot. I miss college life and the papers and all that drama. My only drama now is well.. planning my wedding.. which lets face it, I haven't really been planning my wedding because well that costs money and again, I make shit so I can't have my dream wedding.

Everyone keeps asking me about it and I swear I'm going to blow. At this point, I just want to go to a beautiful location on an island and call it a day. Why do I need a big wedding? It's seriously just a waste of money to me. Half the time you don't get the return you spent on the way over priced food for the gifts that you receive. Is it worth it?

I really want to get married next year and it sucks that I can't. I don't care that people say that I'm too young to get married. I love Scott and I know I want to be with him. I already know everything about this man, granted I don't live with him Tuesday-Thursday, I live with him the rest of the time and I quickly realized what kind of man he is and I don't have a problem with it. Sometimes we just say were going to get married at the court house one day and just surprise everyone and say that were married... I know my parents would kill me but why should I care its my wedding right??

I have no idea how the hell were going to pay for this?? It's not like were both loaded.. because clearly we are not. I've spent the last five years paying for all of my own schooling, I bought my own car, I pay my own insurance.. I should've known that my parents werent going to pay for a wedding..

I'm learning so much as a young women through my parents. I've learned that I do not want to have to put stress on my children when it comes to going to college. Scott and I already discuss that were going to have a college savings account for our children so that they dont have to pay to go to school. It's a major burden and it really sucks that right now as I am trying to become independent I cant because I have student loans that bite my ass now. It's just not fair. I'm not putting my kids through that..

Ok well enough of that rant.. you can tell that it upsets me! I'm not having a good day today. Scott just told me that he was going to get let go if his old plant manager had never been relocated.. Although, they told him this, I would still be shitting my pants if I were him. Sure they could say that your ok right now.. it doesnt mean you will be next month??

Ughhh... times suck right now. I'm listening to Josh Groban right now just to keep me at peace. His music is so inspirational and uplifting. It's what seriously helped me get through my many down times. Thank god its almost time to leave work, its been too slow for me to handle. But thats a good thing right? I'm sure it will pick back up again shortly.

Until then happy blogging :)